Wondering what to make of life before the Necessary End

I’ve been reading as much as I can about cancer, and ovarian and (to a lesser extent) breast cancers in particular. But somehow I hadn’t run across the website of the Department of Pathology at Johns Hopkins University.

There is very useful stuff here, and I don’t want to lose the links, so I’ll publish them here:

• Ovarian cancer home page
• Treatment, including thorough information on second-line treatment
• Treatment of recurrent ovarian cancer Q&A

On 2 December 2010 I wrote:

A certain grey skirt is something of a litmus test for me.
… it’s now too tight to wear again.
Have I just eaten too much chocolate? Or is this a symptom of Bad Things going on in there?
…
In my bones, I know it’s not the chocolate.

Last week I saw the surgeon. Did a CT scan and a blood test. Saw the surgeon this morning to get the results.

I was right about the chocolate.

This is good news:

1. The uncertainty has gone. No longer need I wonder if I might be the 1-in-a-squillion who survives a long time after ovarian cancer diagnosis. Nope. I’m just one of the crowd. One of the very hard parts of being sick is the uncertainty. So some has gone.
2. The ovarian cancer has won. Therefore, the breast surgeon might stop telling me she wants to chop off my breasts.
3. I hate my mobile phone (it’s an HTC Touch Diamond 2: ghastly!). I’ve given up on it and I’m currently using a $35 Nokia. Now I don’t need to worry about what to replace the HTC with.
4. No need to worry about when/if to buy a new car.
5. I’ll get to watch all the DVDs I’ve accumulated in the last 6 months or so. (I had figured that chemo would roll around again at some point, so I’ve been stocking up.)
6. I’m going to stop work. No more demanding clients! (Downside: I’ll miss the work; I’ll miss many of the clients.)
7. My supply of plain, black, high-heeled stilettos will see me out. No need to worry about the next fashion wave of low-heeled, round-toed shoes that make my feet look like a circumcised mouse mat.
8. I definitely don’t need to worry about whether I’ll have enough money in retirement.

Off to read everything there is to know about what happens when ovarian cancer recurs…..