Wondering what to make of life before the Necessary End

Status report

I’m feeling OK today. My head is on straight and I’ve done some good work on a 6-year budget forecast for a client.

My surgical wound (it runs from a couple of inches above my navel down in a not-quite-straight line to my public bone) is hurting more than it has for a couple of weeks. Maybe I’ve been pushing things a bit too hard. But yesterday I did nothing much but have my head shrunk, watch cricket and work on this blog (it was 39 degrees, which was a good excuse). So I don’t understand why it’s hurting again.

It still hurts a bit to sneeze or yawn or cough. The abdominal muscles and the lining of the abdominal cavity have been stretched and pushed and pulled for a couple of months with the ascites build up, drainage, re-build up and then surgery. Yawning is very strange. It never occurred to me that muscles either side of the rib cage appear to be required to yawn!

And, of course, nothing in my abdomen feels quite right.

But these are relatively minor things. It’s nearly a week since I woke up and found someone had flipped a switch so that I felt much better and was up to doing real work again. It is so good to get back to work!

Maybe one of the reasons it seems so hard to accept the idea of chemotherapy is that I don’t really have any cancer symptoms. My current niggles are effects of the surgery, not the cancers.

Status report

I felt really down yesterday. But today I’m determined to do some real work.

Status report

I feel really well at the moment. The surgical wound troubles me less and less every day, and I can move more freely. In fact the biggest problem I have at the moment is convincing my friends that I’m not sick.

I routinely over-estimate my capacity and stamina. In particular, a visit outside the house (to a hospital, shop or client) and I’m buggered for the rest of the day.

Sleeping remains a problem. I’ve still got to wear the damned sock things I got in hospital (another 10 days or so to go with those). And they get hot at night. I toss and turn because of hot flushes. I saw the medical oncologist today and came away armed with a prescription for Temazepam. I’ll give one a go tonight.

Status report

If I assess myself against my own Quality of Life criteria, 5 weeks out of hospital, then I observe that I can think and work better than I could when I was pregnant with Herman, but I’ve abandoned the dog and sent him off on a holiday of his own, so I don’t need to take him for walks. And, until I see the surgeon again, I’m still not allowed to carry heavy items. So by my own definition, I’m not 100% recovered from surgery yet. But I’m getting close.

My biggest problem at the moment is convincing people that I’m not sick.

Today was the post-surgery follow-up visit with my surgeon. Six-and-a-half weeks since surgery; 5 weeks since I got out of hospital.

She thinks that all is going well, which is exactly what I expected.

I can probably look after my own wheelie bins from now on. And, for even better news, I can abandon the damned anti-embolism stockings that I’ve worn since the day I went into hospital. Oh, the little joys of life!

Status report

Physically: getting better all the time. My abdomen still hurts if I move awkwardly or sneeze or yawn. But all in all I’m feeling good.

Mentally: shit scared of first chemo treatment on Thursday.

Sleeping is one of my biggest problems at the moment. The wretched hot flushes make it hard to get to sleep and stay asleep.